he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
