now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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