Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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