phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
