Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize