how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
