is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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