Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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