Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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