I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
