Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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