i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did I show you my penis last night?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
