you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
