Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
