a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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