are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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