i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
