Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
