it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
