im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
