Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
