how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
