And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
