Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
now i know why i became what i already was.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize