Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
