Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
