how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
nutella sex= disaster
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
