im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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