If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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