You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think your dad took our porno
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
