you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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