I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I lost the right to judge tonight
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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