I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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