the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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