i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
