Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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