fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
