the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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