I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
