Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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