We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
