they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
