Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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