oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
