Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
