so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
