the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
