somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
