You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
