dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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