My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
