This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
