I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
