Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
