Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize