That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
