I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
