I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh god the rape fog is back!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
