he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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