How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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