I think i peed on brittanys purse
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
