Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
