The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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