And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
