so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
