It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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