I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
