This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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