I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
