go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
