Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
