cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
