just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
thus making me awesome and them whores
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
