I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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