If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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