Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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