Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
