Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
