i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
