Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
