Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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