my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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