Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
