So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
