I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
