im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
