i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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