Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
