4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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