DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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