my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize