Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How does one acquire holy water?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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