Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
