my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
