Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
