East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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