too bad you live with your parents still
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
