I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
