so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
