I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
