I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
