he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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