Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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