Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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