areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Me. At least after what I've been through.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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