Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize