What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
