i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
