Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
