i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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